Anal sex has a reputation for being an activity that men enjoy and women tolerate at best, if not actively dislike. People believe that anal sex is uncomfortable or even painful for women. But this is not necessarily true.
So do women really enjoy anal sex? The answer to this isn’t simple, because women are not a monolith and don’t all feel the same way. Some women love anal sex, some hate it, and some enjoy it on occasion, in the right context and with the right partner.
But a greater percentage of women enjoy anal sex than you might assume. One small study found that around 31% of the female participants found anal intercourse pleasurable. Ultimately, the only way to know whether the woman you’re with enjoys anal sex is to ask her!
Why do some women enjoy anal sex?
The answer to why cisgender men enjoy anal sex is obvious: they have a prostate, which is highly sensitive and has even been described as the “male G-spot.” But for those who do enjoy it, what is it that makes anal enjoyable for cisgender women?
First, prostate or no, the anus is still a highly sensitive area with lots of nerve endings that can feel very pleasurable when stimulated. Since the butt is located close to the vagina, anal sex can also stimulate two highly sensitive spots, the G-spot and the A-spot, through the vaginal wall.
Many people also get off specifically on pleasing their partner. So some women might not get much out of anal sex for its own sake, but enjoy doing it sometimes because their partner enjoys it.
How to make anal sex more pleasurable for her
So you and your female partner want to explore anal sex, or perhaps you’ve already tried it but it wasn’t mindblowing for her. Read on to learn some of the best ways to give her more pleasure during anal sex.
Lube it up
Proper lubrication is essential for anal sex. This is a matter of safety as well as pleasure. Since the anus is not self-lubricating, having anal sex without sufficient lubrication can cause friction and tearing. Ouch!
Always use more lube than you think you need. A good quality water-based lube is a great choice for anal sex. I love Sliquid Sassy, which is body-friendly and specially formulated for anal play. Whatever you do, never use a lube that contains numbing agents such as benzocaine or lidocaine. Numbing the area means you can’t tell when something is wrong, which can be very dangerous.
Work your way up
Don’t expect to get your entire penis into her butt the first time you try anal sex. The anus needs to be trained, so go slowly and work your way up. Start by penetrating with just a single finger. Once she’s got used to this, try a second finger. You can also get anal training kits which contain a series of butt plugs in gradually increasing sizes. Once she’s completely comfortable, you can progress to a small dildo and then to trying penetration with your penis.
Add clitoral stimulation
The vast majority of women - between 65% and 95%, depending on which study you believe - need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. Stimulate her clit with your fingers or a vibrator while you do anal play. If it’s easier, she can also stimulate her own clit while you focus on her butt. Some women find that anal sex is easier if they’ve already had a clitoral orgasm or two before attempting anal penetration.
However long you’ve been together and however long you’ve known each other, you don’t live in your partner’s head or body. The only way to know how they’re feeling is to ask.
Communication always makes for better sex, and it is particularly important when you’re trying something new like anal sex. Check in regularly to make sure she’s comfortable and having fun. Anal can be intense, but should not be painful. If something hurts, stop. What if she still doesn’t enjoy anal?
Some women (and some men) just don’t enjoy anal sex! It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong. We’re all just different. Remember that consent is the most important thing and it’s never okay to pressure your partner into something they don’t want to do.
Consent, communication, and lots of lube will keep your sex life happy and thriving, whether you engage in anal sex or not!