You can’t go looking for a cougar at a nightclub, dumbass. Nightclubs are for teen whores, gold diggers and the rave sluts. If you wanna fuck a classy, experienced MILF, you gotta know where to look. These middle-aged divorcees don’t want commitment, just a good dicking. If you can swerve them with your suave words, they’ll blow your mind and load.
If you don’t know where to get laid in Tampa, then this is the guide for you buddy. You can’t just approach a hot chick anywhere in town. Hitting on a waitress or librarian might sound like a good idea cause they’re wearing your favorite fetish outfits, but that’s a quick trip to a smack on the face, dumbass. Whether you’re a sex tourist, resident, or staying the night on a road trip, you need to know what the hot and heavy hookup zones of Tampa are, what goes and what doesn’t. This’ll guarantee that every night you hit the town and do what I say, you’ll end up giving facials to hot babes every night.
How do I meet singles in Tampa online?
You wanna learn how to get girls in Tampa for a quick fuck? Before you get to Tampa, let the town know you’ll be around. Why bother searching for a hookup in Tampa, when you can set it up a week in advance? These Tampa hookup sites will guarantee you a lay:
Sure, you’ve got Tinder, webcam sites, and other dating platforms, but with Tinder you have the pretense of dating. With webcam sites, you’ve gotta pay to get a real connection. You’re not about that life. You wanna fuck a whore in all her holes, empty your balls in her, and find a new slut the next day. That’s why you need to hit up Craigslist Classified. All the chicks who are down for a dirty dicking are on it, so check that out unless you’re too much of a pussy.
Tampa’s most famous cam girls
If Hollywood is home to the A-list movie stars, Tampa is where you find the A-list cam girls. A perverted bastard like you is guaranteed to know these names. I’m gonna reiterate them, because I know the prospect of running into these cum-hungry babes at a club makes you pop a chub. After all, what if you get to fuck that hot slut you’ve been jacking off to for the past 5 years? Imagine the bragging rights you’ll have! Here are a few of the most famous webcam models you might run into at Tampa’s best nightclubs:
- Sydney Cole. At 106lbs, this whore is the definition of a petite freak. She’s been in more than 70 adult movies so far. That’s not her real name though, but if you run into her, try your luck. Maybe you’ll get to be the star of a video where she fucks a fan.
- Brooke Wylde. If you’re into that ‘girl next door’ look, Brooke is the chick for you. She’s thicc, down to earth and chill as hell. If you like fucking homely whores, Brooke won’t disappoint you.
- Keisha Grey. For big tits and a round ass, you can’t go wrong with Keisha Grey. This chick knows how to tease and play, and the best part is she’s au naturale. You don’t want silicone getting in the way of your fuckfest, and Keisha Grey guarantees you the most natural experience. You’ll find her at one of the many Tampa sex clubs.
- Staci Silverstone. When you lay eyes on Staci Silverstone, you’ll wonder if the guys who have a crush on Stacey’s Mom are blind.’ Arguably the most popular pornstar from Tampa, Staci’s got those unique eyes you can spot from a mile away, and a petite frame. You wouldn’t guess that she’s a nymphomaniac from her looks, but if you hook up with her, your dick’s gonna be sore.
Keep an eye out at famous places to hangout in Tampa, and maybe you’ll run into your wank fantasy!
Where can I pick up girls in Tampa offline?
You didn’t come to Tampa just to spend your time on your laptop trying to hook up with women online. You’re supposed to do that before you get to Tampa, so you’ve got an eager whore to rail the moment you set foot in the city. Getting a Tampa hook up offline is easier than you’d think, and here’s where to look:
Tampa sex clubs
If you’re down to fuck, you gotta find like-minded company. You can’t grab at any piece of ass that walks by you in the street. If you do that in one of Tampa’s many sex clubs, these dirty bitches will bend over, spread their legs and do plenty more for you. Tampa’s sluts hit up these clubs cause they wanna find men who will make their legs quiver and their panties wet, and they’ll return the favor by making your dick hard and cum buckets. Check out the hottest sex clubs in Tampa:
- Eyz Wide Shut
- 2001 Odyssey
- Lookers Tampa
- Thee Dollhouse Lounge
Tampa hookup bars
All the horniest bitches you’ve ever fucked were partying and drunk out of their minds. Don’t deny it, you pervert. When a girl gets sloshed, she’s gotta have cock. Remember, don’t be a prick and harass drunk girls that aren’t interested. Here are the best pickup bars in Tampa:
- Whiskey Joe’s Bar And Grill. For the true American experience, this is your stop. Booze, girls and whores galore, Whiskey Joe’s will make sure you don’t spend the night alone.
- The Sail. If you’re into the exotic seafood grills, waterside view and open air, The Sail is your dream date destination.
- Ciro’s Tampa. This upscale bar will surprise you. You need a password to get in. They’ll give you hints until you figure it out, and if intelligent girls are your type, this is the bar to come to.
- Lowry Parcade. If you’re into hipster chicks in plaid flannel and gamer girls in short shorts, Lowry’s will hook you up.
I bet your hottest fantasy is fucking a hot babe in the bathroom of a nightclub. There’s nothing sexier than having a horny chick grind her ass against you on the dance floor, and she beckons you to grope and finger her without anyone else noticing. Of course the next step is to follow her into the bathrooms and fuck her pretty mouth till you blow your load down her throat. Here are the best nightclubs in Tampa where you can make that fantasy a reality:
- The Castle. This is the number one spot to go if you wanna get laid in Tampa. With its multi level dancefloors, you’ve got goth, rock, hip hop and even fetish babes all in one convenient spot!
- Club Prana. Much like The Castle, this is a multi level nightclub that caters to different genres. It’s a more cheaper option, if you’re too broke to hit up the best clubs, wuss.
- The Kennedy Soho. This is high profile, and you’re only gonna meet classy, upscale ladies here. Wait a few hours till they’re drunk, however, and you’ll find that these polite dames turn into sex fiends.
- Club Skye. If hip hop is your jam, and young babes are your type, Club Skye is your spot. Only the hottest chicks are allowed here, and you wanna give your cock the best, don’t you?
Miscellaneous Tampa hookup spots
Getting a hot fuck in this city isn’t limited to bars and clubs, slick. Having dicked down my share of Tampa whores, I know the best hidden spots to get your dick wet, and I’m being kind enough to share it with a pathetic loser like you. Maybe now you’ll finally lose your V-card! Take a peek at these locations:
- The Lake Como Family Nudist Resort. Don’t let the name fool you, this resort is anything but family friendly. You wouldn’t believe the orgies that take place here every night. I mean, what else would you expect when you mix drunk, rich adults with alcohol? Spend a couple nights here, mingle with the crowd and you’re guaranteed a story you can never tell your kids.
- The beaches of Caladesi Island State Park. You’ll find all the wanderlust stricken babes on these pristine, tranquil beaches. Talk about the stars, the future and the world, and soon you’ll be making out in the sand. Careful though. From experience, it gets in places you don’t want sand in.
What are some of Tampa Fl good places to have sex?
After you read all my tips, you’ve got that curvy, slutty chick in your making out with you, but where are you gonna fuck her? Public sex is cool, but the cops aren’t gonna be nice when they’re cuffing you, and you might not be the one doing the dicking in prison. If she’s enough of a whore, you could fuck her in your car, but how are you gonna appreciate her tight body without the space to fuck her senseless? This is where Tampa’s hotels come in. You’d be surprised how many of them have unwittingly been hosts to Tampa sex parties. Whether you’re into orgies or just wanna blow your load on a bitch’s eager face, these are the best hotels to do it in:
- Tampa Marriott Water Street (About $179 per night)
- Grand Hyatt Tampa Bay (About $151 per night)
- Westin Tampa Bay Hotel (About $139 per night)
- Le Meridien Tampa (About $135 per night)
It’s easy to hookup with a Tampa chick, but if you do it right, she’ll be sending you nudes even when you’re back home. The better the hotel, the more memorable your night will be.
Tips for getting some of that legendary Tampa Bay sex
Going to the Tampa hookup spots isn’t enough if you haven’t got any game, chump. You need to know how to move, talk and let the ladies know you’re here for a good fuck. No pretense, no games. Do what I tell you, and you’ll have chicks begging you to take them home and fuck every hole they’ve got. Here’re some tips for you, dumbass, how to do that:
Girls love confidence, but you need to be confident in the right ways. Telling a girl you wanna fuck her till her pussy’s gaping and dripping cum right off the bat is gonna get you thrown out of the club. Approach her with your head up high and your back straight, pay a compliment, and see how she reacts. Don’t force your efforts forward on a woman who says ‘no’ or ‘maybe’. That’s a waste of time when there are plenty of eager whores around.
Do you wanna fuck an upscale MILF? Dress for the cigar lounge you’ll meet her in. Wear business casual, or even a suit. You certainly won’t look out of place, and you’ll be treated with more respect than you deserve, you perverted dummy. Are you into the teen whores that party until sunrise? Go for that hypebeast look. Make sure all the branded clothing is visible, flex your money, and you’ll get to fuck and forget enough gold diggers in one night.
Everyone’s got positive and negative body language. Knowing how to read it will mean you won’t waste time with chicks who aren’t interested. These tips will make your whore hunting endeavors time-efficient:
- If she’s covering her drink with her hand, she probably thinks you’re a creep You should stop wasting your time on her.
- Constant smiling and twirling her hair absentmindedly with her finger is a sign that she’s getting flustered and is into you.
- Touching your arm, angling her legs towards you and keeping her arms uncrossed are signs that she trusts and likes you.
- If she starts moving her hand up your inner thigh, you know this bitch wants to get in your pants. You better grab that pussy and take her home, stud.
Hitting it and quitting it is cool if the lady has as much fun as you. There’s not much pride in a one pump chump bragging about how many girls he’s fucked, when not even one has had an orgasm with you. Even if you can only keep thrusting for seven seconds before you bust, you can make your girl have mind-shattering orgasms too. Your cock’s not the only tool you have, you selfish bastard. Before you start fucking her, suck her clit, eat her out, nibble on her nipples and give her hickeys. Tease and finger her. Hell, it’s 2020, so eat her ass too. Make her cum before you even think about pushing your dick in her, and she’ll brag to her lady friends about how she got her brains fucked out.
Tampa isn’t a city you can experience in one night. Whether you’re here for business or pleasure, you owe it to yourself to spend a week seeing the sights, smelling the roses and banging the local babes. It’s the king of nightlife, and the girls aren’t shy in the day either. If you fall all my tips to a tee, you’ll leave Tampa feeling like a succubus has drained you dry. If that scares you, then maybe you’re too much of a bitch for my city. If you’re up for the challenge, I promise you’ll jack off to the memory of the sex you have here every night after you leave.