Online hookups are superficial. If you`re not interesting, you`re skipped. Poor bio, or no bio at all? Skipped. Blurry photo? Skipped. No fun hobbies to connect on? Skipped? No conversation starters? Skipped. You`re smart enough to get the gist of it, right dude? You could be the most handsome bastard in the world, but a shitty profile means you don`t get to fuck
You wanna get laid, and I`ve got the expertise to make it happen. Consider this article your little cheat sheet. Everything from the best bars and clubs to hints on how to approach a slut in real life and even the best webcam models to jack it to if you end up going home alone. Let`s start without further ado, shall we?
New Orleans is a big city, and the choice of girls to fuck is tremendous. You`re not gonna find punk chicks in upscale dining establishments, and you won`t find rich, bored housewives in dive bars. This article shows you where to get the best of New Orleans chicks in all the different experiences it has to offer, both on the internet and otherwise. You`re gonna be spoiled for choice by the time you`re through.
Online dating in New Orleans
If you hate noisy nightclubs and pretentious bars, it doesn`t mean you can`t get laid. We live in the modern era, buddy. The whores have all moved online! You can find the perfect hook up online, and here are the tips to make it happen:
You`re not gonna pump them silly with your cock until you see them in person. How are you gonna keep these online sluts turned on until then? Sure, you could send a dick pic, but that can be tasteless and no one really likes that. Learn how to text dirty. The same way you`d whisper what you`re gonna do to her in her ear but through text. Master that, and soon you`ll have a whore begging you to drop what you`re doing and fuck her in her apartment
Some online sluts wanna hook up right away, others wanna take their time. You gotta be patient with the second ones, cause pushing them to hook up right away is gonna make them unmatch you. They can always find another dick willing to respect their boundaries. The ones that make you wait are usually the sexiest too, so it makes sense they wanna stay safe. You don`t wanna get catfished, neither do they
Webcam girls of New Orleans
New Orleans isn`t all obedient Christian girls. There`s a lot of them being real naughty and deserving some punishment. Case in point, these famous New Orleans cam girls. You thought porn stars were whores, wait till you see these dirty sluts:
- CorolinaAss. CorolinaAss is a stunning blonde-haired petite slut. She`s barely legal at 19-years-old, loves sex toys and exhibitionism. While she`s a member of the itty bitty titty committee, she rocks the look and loves to cater to her audience. The only downside is you`ll never see her face. Maybe the girl you take home from one of the New Orleans sex bars will be she, and you`ll get to be a surprise guest on her cam show.
- LucyCanBeBought. This kinky bisexual bitch loves getting freaky in front of a live audience. If you`ve got the hots for Ariana Grande, you`ll love the sessions where Lucy does her hair up just like the singer. Her promiscuous ways are gonna have your dick throbbing.
- Pr3ttyP1nkPussy. She puts all the emphasis on her phat pussy. Butt plugs, dildos, and vibrators hold a special place in her heart. She`s got that cutesy nerdy girl next door look, and she`s guaranteed to get you rock hard, no matter what your type is. She`s even got glasses on. Ever have the fantasy of fucking a sexy librarian up the ass and cumming all over her face and glasses? This is the slut who can make it happen. The best part is she`s only 24, and that tight young body will get you riled up.
- Lexi_Luv. Where else can you find an absolute babe willing to fuck herself silly on camera for the entertainment of nasty perverts like you? She`s got a landing strip on her pussy, blue eyes, and blonde hair. This 22-year-old slut loves to tease her viewers, but she always makes sure they log off satisfied. You might run into her at one of the sex clubs in New Orleans.
Where can you meet the girls of New Orleans offline?
The internet is fun, but half the fun of a hookup is the chase. The hottest girls love to tease men at bars and clubs, wearing tight dresses, dancing all night, and getting drunk. Don`t you want to be a part of that instead of looking at pictures through a screen? Of course, you do, and that`s why I`ve got a list of the best of everything New Orleans could ever offer you.
The best bars in New Orleans for singles
Wanna get buzzed and hook up with a drunk chick? New Orleans has the best bars to set you on your way. Whether you`re into wine tasting, sports bars, chugging hard liquor or speakeasy lounges, I`ve got them all lined up for you. Each bar has got plenty of hot babes waiting to get wasted and have a good shag. Are you gonna be the guy to do it to them? The hottest bars in New Orleans are:
- Lafitte`s Blacksmith Shop Bar
- Carousel Bar
- Pat O`Brien`s
- Erin Rose
- The Avenue Pub
- The Sazerac Bar
- The Swamp On Bourbon Street
- 21st Amendment Bar at La Louisiane
Restaurants to take New Orleans girls to
A hungry girl is a grumpy one, not a horny one. If you offer to fill her rumbling tummy with cum, she might just bite your cock off. Aside from being a good date spot, you can meet ladies at restaurants too. A lot of girls that are averse to hitting up bars and clubs love to go to cafés and restaurants. They need to get laid too. Are you man enough to step up to the plate? That bit of confidence could go a long way. Here are the restaurants to hit up:
- Emeril`s New Orleans
- Commander`s Palace
- Restaurant Rebirth
- GW Fins
- Oceana Grill
- Muriel`s Jackson Square
- Peche Seafood Grill
- Liuzza`s by the Track
Nightclubs to meet girls in New Orleans
Drunk girls love confident guys, and nightclubs have the alcohol. Can you be that confident man these slutty chicks need? Just dance a little, talk loud, and maybe buy a few drinks. You`ll have a slut in tow in no time. Maybe you`re charismatic enough to bring two of them home. Think you`re man enough to handle a threesome, stud? I`ve got a list of the best nightclubs you can score at, but you better get some pussy if you go there:
- Beach On Bourbon
- Blue Nile
- Club Caribbean New Orleans Reggae Club
- Treme Hideaway
- Club Continental
- One Eyed Jacks
- House of Blue New Orleans
- Bourbon Heat
The sexiest hotels in New Orleans
You can`t fuck a girl on the street, champ. You could, but that`s just one way to speed run yourself into America`s registry of sex offenders. Besides, a king-sized bed, air conditioning, and room service sounds so much more comfortable than grass, pavement, and public roads. Even if you`re into that, no sane slut is gonna be drunk enough to fuck you out in public. Before you pick up a girl to fuck senseless, make sure you have a room in one of these hotels:
- Ace Hotel New Orleans
- Omni Royal Orleans Hotel
- La Galerie French Quarter Hotel
- The Old No. 77 Hotel $ Chandlery
- Hampton Inn & Suites New Orleans Convention Center
- The Pelham Hotel
- The Natchez
- Hyatt Regency New Orleans
Other unique and best places to meet singles in New Orleans
You can`t be so obtuse to believe you can only meet chicks at bars, restaurants, and clubs. They`ve got a life outside partying, dummy. Girls love seeing the sights with their friends, and sometimes they go alone. Maybe you`ll run into some tourist chicks while you`re here. Are you hard set on only fucking New Orleans locals, or are you open to something new? These few spots scattered across New Orleans thrive with hot, young babes, and you`re bound to strike up a fruitful conversation with a few of them:
- The Music Box Village
- NOLA ghost tour
- Mississippi River Cruise
- French Quarter
- Airboat Swamp Tour
- The Singing Oak
- New Orleans Historic Voodoo Museum
- Island Of Salvation Botanica
Tips to remember when hooking up in New Orleans offline
Getting a girl to come home can be hard. You could ask 5 girls out and get rejected by each one. But don`t stop hitting on people. What if the first 5 girls were prudes and rejected you, but the 6th one is a willing and eager slut? Hooking up is always a numbers game. No one is guaranteed a lay with the first girl they talk to. Take your losses with grace, and move on to the next chick
I thought this was common sense, but apparently some guys are dumb as rocks. Guys love to talk about their exes and how crazy they were. This is never a good idea. Everyone knows there are two sides to every story, and most girls hate a guy who loves to bitch about his exes. It makes him come off as insecure, and insecurity isn`t attractive. If the topic of your ex ever comes up, just say you weren`t right for each other, and decided to move on. It`s the most mature way to address it!
Make sure she`s comfortable with you. When you`re talking to a girl in a bar or nightclub, don`t back her up into a corner. It`s worse to put an arm in the only way out, meaning you`re physically blocking her from leaving. This will set alarm bells ringing in girls` heads. Talk to her in an open space, let her make the first bit of physical contact, and don`t step forward if she steps away from you
The worst thing you could do is getting a girl hot and excited to spend the night with you, and you haven`t booked a room for the night yet. Yes, booking a room in a hotel is long and boring. A slut could be ready to fuck you on the dance floor but make her wait as you pick and book a hotel room, and her pussy is gonna be as dry as a desert. Don`t be that kind of dumbass, buddy
If you plan to be on a stud who gets all the ladies, you need to look the part. Dress to impress. Spend the extra money on designer labels, because that`s what catches the eyes of the superficial sluts you`ll hit on at the club. An expensive watch on your wrist, a fitted top and pants, and high-quality shoes will make a hell of a first impression. With sluts like these, first impressions are important
Are you ready to get some pussy from the girls of New Orleans? As confident as you may be, you need some tact in your approach. Fuck it up with one girl, and you risk all the girls in the bar being driven away from you. You don`t wanna go to another nightclub just to get laid! Here`s everything you need to know, so you don`t fuck it up from the get-go.
New Orleans isn`t really a tourist hotspot unless there`s a festival like Mardi Gras going on, so make it clear you`re from out of town. Girls love guys with a different accent or those who just look different. The one who makes them go crazy. He always ends with a trip to the bar or nightclub, get drunk there, then a short make out sesh, and finally an Uber to the hotel before fucking like bunnies. Wear your tourist badge with pride, and reap the benefits!